I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
