I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
