Plan B is the new Plan A
I cannot find my penis.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
