I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
