god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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