i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
