I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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