im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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