Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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