Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
