I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize