i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
