so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
did i just pee glitter
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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