P.S. I can't hear my feet
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
