In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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