I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
