I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
