Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
