3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Found your dick twin last night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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