they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
