I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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