i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
