i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
