No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
