Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
that's an acceptable place to lick
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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