I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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