so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
