Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
