i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
