My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
