He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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