Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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