Can Purell be used as lube?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
