I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
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She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
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Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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