the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
