that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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