we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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