You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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