Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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