when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I love having hate sex.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
