So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
