do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
