Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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