i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
