Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
