Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Your penis caused this!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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