Clothes are such an inconvenience.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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