My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize