Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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