the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
