walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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