OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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