I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My vagina just clenched in fear
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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