The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
