i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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