You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
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his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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