Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
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Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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