Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
