I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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