OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
